dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
