If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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