her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
