I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
