Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
