i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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