why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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