haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
