Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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