the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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