he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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