Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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