Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
