Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
