1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
