I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
