This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
