i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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