WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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