How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
wow bdsm is so cute
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
