What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Couch. On fire.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
