i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My breasts were aching with rage.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Randomize
