pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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