I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
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