and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
