I'm laying in your front yard are you home
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
