Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
