Don't make out with my wife yet
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
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