also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
