I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
