I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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