No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
