okay pat passed out under dana's car
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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