every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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