the day after is always just damage control
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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