Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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