Kiss
Puke
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
