halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
