on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
