you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
