but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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