I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
