Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
