Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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