Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
