ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
We got so high we made milksteak
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
