I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
