sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
