He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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