worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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