Midget sex pt 2 tonight
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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