Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
