White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
