before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
