drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Someone came in the potted fern
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
