I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
