I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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