My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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