All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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