OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
